The Joke's On You
by angeltrap
Summary: Full of Cloud's brooding and Reno's pranks, Tifa, Rude and the others decide to play a trick on the two. Humor, romance & fluff; CloudxReno; contains yaoi and fake mpreg
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Joke's On You

Author: Cassidy304

Pairing: CloudxReno

Rating: T

Genre: Humor, romance, fluff, general

Disclaimer: This is merely a piece of fanfiction and I do not own the characters or places mentioned in it. They belong to Square Enix etc.

Warnings: Yaoi, fake-mpreg. And sarcasm. If you don't get sarcasm and irony, you probably don't get half of my jokes. XD

Summary: Full of Cloud's brooding and Reno's pranks, Tifa, Rude and the others decide to play a trick on the two.

A/N: ... XDD Okay? I have no idea where this came from but whatever...

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**Chapter 1**

"Alright, where the heck is Reno?"

Tifa and the rest of Avalanche, along with Rufus Shinra and the Turks, raised their eyes and ceased their conversations as the door of Seventh Heaven was thrown open and a very angry, dripping wet Cloud Strife stomped into the room with a wet-through card board box in his hands.

"'M right here, baby!" the redheaded Turk called cheerily from his table where he was playing cards with Cid and Barret. "Miss me already?"

"Terribly." Cloud marched over to Reno, ignoring everyone else in the room, and landed the wet box on the table. Heavily. "I couldn't find the damn address you sent this to, so the sender gets it back," he explained in a forced, calm voice.

Reno lifted the box a little to peer at his cards that had been on the table and decided that he didn't really want to play with those right now. "Wow, now, thanks for going trough the trouble," he chuckled, grinning at Cloud, who suddenly grabbed his collar and shook him a bit.

"Open. It," the blonde hissed dangerously.

"Whoa! Take it easy, Spiky," Barret laughed, appearing to be very amused by the scene.

But Reno just smirked lazily and slowly opened the box. Everyone leaned forward, trying to see what was in it. They stared.

"Empty?" Tifa asked in confusion, voicing everybody's thoughts.

"Empty," Cloud confirmed, growling.

"Oh, my." Reno laughed. "Looks like the joke's on you, Cloudy!"

Cloud lifted the redhead from his chair by the collar, his mako eyes burning. "I swear to Gaia, Reno, next time you even try something like this, I'll hang your stuffed head above the damn fireplace!"

"Oh no, no need to! I mean, I appreciate that you want to keep my face always where you can look at it, and I really like your fireplace too, but I'm quite fond of having my head right where it is -" Reno managed to break free and made a run for it – to the stairs, because smart people always run upstairs or dead ends (or both) when someone is chasing them. Cloud darted after the Turk, drawing his sword as he went.

The rest of Avalanche and the Turks looked after them and then at each other. "This is getting ridiculous," Tifa sighed then, taking Reno's abandoned chair. "I can't believe the jerk actually made Cloud run such an errand in that weather with an empty box..."

"What's so unbelievable in that? Red's sure as hell done worse," Cid grumbled.

"Yeah, but I expected him to have a bit more of... you know, self protection instincts."

They all exhaled deeply, except for Vincent. "It's really bothersome, I must admit," Rufus Shinra made his opinion clear. "In the beginning it was amusing, but now..."

"The more pranks Reno pulls on him, the moodier Cloud gets, and the angrier Cloud is, the more amusing it's to Reno. And if Cloud just pretends to ignore all the tricks, Reno grows even more bored and starts pulling pranks on us," Yuffie summed up with a thoughtful expression on her face. "You know, they hate each other so much by now that it's almost like they _like_ each other."

Elena frowned, nodding. "That's true! If we could make them work together, maybe they would realize it, too..."

Tseng shook his head. "What would they work on? We can't send Cloud on a Turk mission or Reno on a delivery with him. Besides, if it had anything to do with fighting, they'd kill each other in the process."

"There's a small possibility that they'd learn to fight side by side, but the risk is far too big," Rufus added.

They could hear a loud crash, a long list of curses and a scream. Marlene had woken up at the uproar they caused, and scared by seeing two fighting figures and a glimpse of a sword right after opening her eyes, had started screaming for help. Cloud and Reno's fight ended immediately, and they could hear the two trying to calm her down with plushies and soothing words. Apparently they feared that Barret would storm in and fry them both for waking up his precious little girl.

A blessed silence fell over Seventh Heaven as Marlene accepted the hugs and dolls from a very apologetic blonde and a rather freaked out redhead. Downstairs, everyone was staring at the roof.

Rude said calmly, "I have an idea."

--

After long, excited discussions and new thoughts thrown in, the idea was put to action right after the blonde and the redhead had returned downstairs. Tifa announced that since the two had managed to bring peace back to the house, she'd offer them free drinks for the rest of the night. Reno didn't need to be told twice, and they were relieved to find that Cloud welcomed the thought of alcohol as well, still shivering from the long drive in the pouring rain.

Reno had had years of practice and Cloud had more mako than blood in his veins, so it took quite a lot of strong shots, cocktails, and milder drinks to get them truly drunk, and when they started to confess their love to anything that looked lovable (this including Rude, a bottle of rum, Vincent, Rude, the bar counter, Tifa, Rude, and Cloud's Fenrir. And Rude.), almost everyone had gone to bed already.

"Alrighty!" Tifa said cheerily, clapping her hands. "Reno, how many fingers?" She held three fingers right in front of the Turk's eyes.

Reno stared and stared at the hand, cursing at the way it tended to sway from place to another. "Keep the damn hand in one place, damn it!" He narrowed his eyes. "... Niiiiine? Wait, there's jus' one hand, so there can't be nine fingers really... So I'm jus' seein' double!" He looked very pleased with his own logic. "Soooo... in reality, it gotta beeeee..." He made a quick count in his head. "... Three and half fingers!"

And after this amazing declaration, he passed out on the counter.

Cloud stared at his latest tequila shot as if trying to decide which of the three he saw was the one he should grab. He tried the one on the right side, but it vanished into thin air just when he was about to touch it. "Damn," he muttered, glaring at the remaining two with a challenging look in his eyes. This time he picked the right one, managed to take the salt on second try and downed the shot in one gulp. He didn't even realize he had forgotten the citron before he collapsed right next to the redhead.

"Finally!" Tifa rolled her eyes, deciding that she would never treat these two again when it came to alcohol. They had downed a good portion of the bar's storage in just a couple of hours! "Please get them to bed, I'll clean this mess," she added to Rude and Vincent, the only two who had stayed awake with her.

The Turk and the ex-Turk grabbed their friends, easily lifting them from their bar stools and carrying them upstairs. Tifa cleaned the bar and followed them, already feeling sleepy.

He found Reno and Cloud in Cloud's bed, neatly tucked under the same blanket. Vincent was just giving the image a finishing touch by placing Reno's head on Cloud's shoulder and the redhead's arm around the other man's waist. From what Tifa could see, Rude and Vincent had followed her order to leave them completely undressed.

"Excellent," she said, chuckling contently and – yes, even smugly. Rude and Vincent, two stoics as they were, hardly let a tiny smirk grace their lips, but it was there anyway. Payback time! She could only imagine the havoc the two would arrange in the morning. Poor guys! And that was just the first part of their master plan...

--

They woke up approximately at the same time. Cloud looked down to see what was the red, fluffy thing that tickled his chin, and Reno lifted his head to take a blurry-eyed look at his unusually hard and warm pillow.

They blinked. Twice.

Then Cloud realized that the red thing wasn't one of Marlene's plushies, and Reno realized that his soft, feather-filled pillow was very far from this place.

"WHAT THE --?!"

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To be continued

Alright, so this is the first time I've published anything here, and I'm still getting to know the system and how everything works. It'll probably take some time... :D Anyways, thanks for reading and even bigger thanks if you take the time to review! I'd really appreciate that.


	2. Chapter 2

Alrighty, here we go again! The boys are trying to get a bit serious in this chapter, but luckily a little touch of fluff will heal it.

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**Chapter 2**

Some weeks later Rude came from his room, ready for work, to find Reno sitting in the kitchen reading a newspaper. The redhead was still eating breakfast, but it was alright since they were both early for once and there was no hurry. Having eaten the bread, Reno wandered to the bathroom to fix his hair, leaving his coffee to cool on the table. Feeling slightly guilty, Rude took a small mini-grip plastic bag from his pocket and emptied half of it into Reno's coffee cup. He was just stirring it with a spoon when the redhead returned.

"Yo, what're you doing? That's my coffee, make another for yourself if you want it."

Rude shrugged slightly and gave the cup to his partner. "You had forgotten the sugar," he replied simply.

"Oh?" Reno looked into the cup, blinking. "... How could you tell?"

Rude smiled slightly. "Intuition."

Fifteen minutes later they were in a car on their way to Midgar, and Reno was feeling terribly sick.

"My stomach hurts," he complained.

"You probably just ate too quickly."

Reno looked doubtful, but didn't say anything. Some minutes later he had to double over, one arm wrapped around his middle and a hand covering his mouth. "Rude, man, I really don't feel so good..."

Rude took a glance at him and frowned. "Tseng will crucify you if you throw up in this car."

"I know," the redhead moaned, feeling cold sweat gather on his forehead. "I'm really fucking sick, okay? Gotta get outta here..."

The other Turk turned his eyes back to the road. Just as they had calculated, they were very close to Seventh Heaven. "We'll get to Tifa's bar in a couple of minutes. Can you hang on until then?"

Reno let out a weird noise that was supposed to sound like "yeah" but came out as "yennghh".

--

The following day found Reno in the Shinra Hospital. He had stayed in Seventh Heaven, way too sick to go to work, and even though he had been fine most of the day, Tifa had asked him to stay the night, "just to be sure". The next morning was as bad as the one before it, and around midday the mere smell of Tifa's fried eggs was enough to send Reno running to the bathroom with a hand covering his mouth.

Apparently worried because Reno rarely got sick, Tifa and Yuffie took him to the hospital, where Reno's usual doctor – well known by Rude and well paid by Rufus – was the one to inspect him.

"I sure hope it's nothing serious," the redhead muttered as he waited for the results, sitting on his hospital bed. Rude, Tifa, Yuffie, Denzel and Marlene were in the room with him. "I'm all fine now, I could go to work. Just sitting in one place is killing me, yo..."

Just then doctor Davis entered the room, and they all turned to look at him. The man bore a very serious expression, and Reno felt his already uneasy stomach tie itself into a tight knot.

"Reno," the doctor said in a grave voice. "You are in a very, very rare and strange condition, and you'll probably be shocked to hear this. This might also be something that you don't want your friends to hear about – yet. If you want to, you may send them out before I tell you more."

Davis looked expectantly at him, but Reno just shrugged, although feeling worried. "They'll end up knowing anyway... Or at least Rude will, and he tells anything Tifa wants to know, and then she'll tell Yuffie, and then everyone will know. Though..." He took a hesitant glance at Denzel and Marlene. "Do you think the kids should go out?"

The doctor opened his mouth, but Denzel stepped forward and grabbed a handful of Reno's shirt. "No! We're your friends too, we have the right to know!" he announced with determination.

Marlene followed his example with more glossy eyes. "Oh Mr Reno! Are you gonna die?" she wailed, clutching his hand as if to keep him from going. "I don't want you to die! You can't, you promised to do the fireworks next new year!"

Reno looked at the doctor and shrugged again as if to say that apparently they were all going to stay. Davis coughed, turning everybody's attention back to him. "Reno is not going to die," he told the kids. "He's not sick. He's pregnant."

Reno's mouth fell open. Denzel and Marlene blinked in confusion; Tifa gasped, Rude started and Yuffie's eyes widened, all the three of them trying to look surprised and both amazed and terrified (Yuffie failed and let out a tiny giggle, but luckily no one heard it).

Then Reno laughed. It was a nervous, hysterical little laughter. "I get it," he grinned manically. "A funny joke. Right. I deserved that. Very funny. Ha ha. A joke."

The doctor shook his head and handed him a pregnancy test. "I'm afraid it's not a joke, old friend. I don't know how exactly it's possible, but I suppose it's because of the mutations that mako causes in human body. You have been given some mako in the past, as you know."

Reno took the test and looked at it. "Is this mine?" he had to ask. The doctor nodded. "But... it's... positive."

"Yes." Davis nodded again. "You are, undeniably, very much pregnant."

The redhead stared at him for a moment with a look of pure horror, then glanced at his friends as if to see if any of them was laughing and telling him that Cloud had somehow arranged this to avenge all his pranks. Then he fainted.

--

"Cloud! Get to the Shinra Hospital, quick! I know you hate that place but this is really important – it's about Reno."

Cloud pondered about the message Tifa had left in his answering machine as he sped trough Midgar to an old hotel building that had recently been bought and turned into a shiny new public hospital by Rufus Shinra. What could this be about? Sure, the Turk could have been hurt on a mission, but Cloud didn't get why it was so important for him to go there. They weren't trying to kill each other anymore and sometimes they actually found themselves spending time together, drinking or just enjoying the rush of adrenaline that driving on Fenrir caused, but they weren't exactly close. Right now they weren't even on speaking terms because of Reno's pranks and an unforgivable event that had included them both waking up in Cloud's bed (the redhead still claimed that he knew nothing of it, though).

The nurse in the hall pointed him the Shinra wing where the Turks were taken, and another nurse took him to Reno's door, adding reproachingly that he couldn't march into the room with muddy boots and a huge sword. After leaving the sword and his boots in a locker, Cloud was allowed in.

Reno was lying on the bed, staring apathetically at the white curtains, looking very pale and unmoving. Denzel and Marlene were sitting next to him, trying to get him to talk; Rude was speaking with a white-coated doctor in the corner with Yuffie listening intently, and Tifa was the one who noticed him first.

"Oh, Cloud, you came!" she exclaimed, stopping her nervous pacing and stepping closer to him, glancing over her shoulder to see if anyone else had noticed. "Cloud, this is all very strange, and you're not going to believe this at first -," she started, lowering her voice.

"Why did you tell me to come here?" the blonde asked. "He seems to be fine and in any case, I don't see how it concerns me whether he's hurt or not."

"Well..." She looked very worried, taking another glance at Reno, who was still apparently trying to win a staring contest against the curtain. "This concerns you a lot, actually. You see... oh, this is going to be so difficult... remember when you woke up next to him?"

Cloud nodded darkly, then stopped. "Wait – he's not HIV-positive, is he?" They had decided together that absolutely nothing funny had happened between their last memory of the night before and the morning, but there was always a possibility...

"What?" Tifa looked taken aback. "No! Nothing like that! Or, well, something like that, actually." She took a deep breath. "Cloud, he's pregnant. With your child."

The blonde ex-mercenary just stared at his friend. He couldn't think of any reason for her to lie to him, but it just couldn't be true. The redhead had fooled her somehow, maybe paid that doctor to lie to her...

Reno blinked, suddenly realizing the conversation that took place next to the door, and slowly turning his head towards them. Cloud answered his gaze with confusion and anger.

"I'm leaving," the delivery boy muttered, then. "I already told you I'm fed up with your pranks, Reno." And he opened the door and left to go get his sword and boots.

Tifa and her friends glanced at each other. Why had no one thought of this? Why hadn't anyone realized that Cloud was too used to Reno's jokes to buy this one?

Then Reno suddenly saved them by jumping up and running after the blonde, yelling, "CLOUD STRIFE! You get your ass back here right this second!"

The redhead caught him at the lockers in the hall. Cloud turned to glare coldly at him as he strapped the sword to his back. "I have put up with your stupid ideas for long enough," he said. "Can't you just leave me alone? Anyway, this is just far too weird even for one of your jokes..."

"It's not a fucking joke, Cloud!" the Turk practically screamed, not giving a second thought to all the nurses, doctors and patients in the hall. "Damn, I might be sick and twisted but even I wouldn't claim anything like this for fun! Fuck you, Strife, you got me knocked up so you're sure as hell gonna suffer the consequences as well!"

Cloud slammed the locker door closed. "Why don't you scream it out once more? I don't think the people in the next floor heard you yet," he hissed. "People will think you're actually telling the truth!"

"I am!" Reno's voice hitched and his eyes started to look slightly glossy. "The doctor said it's because of mako!"

Cloud opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn't deny that mako could have some pretty weird effects on people, and since he was very much mako infected and Reno had once gotten small dozes as well... "Well, it's just not -," he started, then looked at the Turk. "Wait, are you crying?"

"No!" Reno wiped his eyes with a furious movement, but then the tears started to flow again. "What the hell am I gonna do, Cloud?" the Turk wailed. "I don't wanna give birth! I don't want kids, I can't even take care of myself! And everyone hates me already, what do you think they'll say when they find out I'm pregnant with another guy's kid!"

"Well, I think you just told that to half of Midgar," Cloud muttered. "And the rest will know tomorrow." But as he looked at the trembling and rather distraught redhead who was clutching his stomach as if not knowing whether to be protective or terrified, he couldn't remain angry. The Turk clearly believed this and so had every reason to be shocked; and if Reno believed this, it couldn't be one of his pranks.

Sighing, Cloud placed his hands on the other man's thin shoulders, trying to calm him down. "Alright, Reno. Can you... can you swear it's mine?"

The redhead nodded frantically. "Has to be! Haven't been with any other guy for years, so you're the only option."

Heaving another sigh, Cloud pulled the still trembling Turk closer and wrapped his arms around him in a soothing manner. "Well, then I suppose I'm responsible for this. Okay then, I'll help you. We'll get trough this together."

Reno seemed to swallow his tears, looking honestly surprised – but happy. "Really?" he asked, sounding rather insecure and even childish. Then he shot a death glare at all the people in the hall that were looking at them, some looking horrified and some awed. "What're you people starin' at?!" he snapped. "Mind your own business! Never seen two guys hugging before or what? Geez! The manners these days!"

Rude, Tifa, Yuffie and doctor Davis were looking at the scene from Reno's door. They had calculated that they could fool their poor victims for a week or two, but now the redhead had turned this into a public matter. Tifa wasn't sure if she should feel guilty because of the mess this would cause, or delighted at the way they were digging their own grave without even noticing it.

Either way, she had to agree with Yuffie: it was hilarious!

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To be continued!

Please let me know what you thought. :3

**CEED**: Thanks, and sorry to disappoint you with Reno getting to be the one who's "pregnant". :D I personally thought it would fit him better, and I also figured that if Tifa & Co were going to make our poor guys' big egos suffer, the thought of nine months' boredom and playing nice would get on Reno's nerves more than on Cloud's... Or something, I'm really tired so I don't really have a clue of what I'm saying... XDD Anyways, thanks for your comment and I hope you keep reading even though things didn't go like you would've preferred!

**Rin-chan101093**: Omg what an easy-to-remember nick you have there... XD Thanks for your review!

**BekasStrife**: !! I'm a huge fan of your fics (and yes, I know I've never commented on them... shame on me...), so getting that review from you put a really big smile on my face for the rest of the day! Thanks! :D

**BeckyHerself.**: Thanks! Hope you still liked it :'D

**NicotineGum**: Thanks for your review! And sorry I'm not a quicker updater... :D


	3. Chapter 3

Whoa, I almost forgot about this fic... :o Or rather, I forgot about publishing it! Sorry guys.

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**Chapter 3**

At first, Reno and his presumed pregnancy didn't get along very well. He had to quit smoking and drinking (an excellent side-effect that Tifa hadn't even thought about when they had discussed the plan), he had mood-swings, and troubles with eating. The force of placebo was extremely strong.

Also, once Rufus had "found out" about his Turk's difficult condition, he had immediately banned the redhead from all Turk assignments that had the slightest possibility of being dangerous, silencing the complaining man by telling him that Elena would receive the same treatment should she get pregnant. Reno was allowed to stand by Rufus in public events, friendly negotiations and in his office; he was allowed to train some newly recruited Turks; and above all and much to his dismay, he was allowed to do paperwork.

"Please go and get yourself knocked up, Laney," Reno whined when Elena was visiting the office he shared with Rude to bring him coffee. "I'm lonely and bored and I don't wanna be lonely and bored for nine months! I need company!"

But Elena just chuckled, patted his head and left the poor man alone with his unfinished reports.

Both the Turk and Cloud had been amazed at how calmly their friends took this. Tifa and Elena had immediately offered to help them whenever they needed it, Marlene and Denzel had promised to give all their old toys to the kid, Yuffie had demanded that they'd teach the kid to call her Aunt Yuffie (to which Reno had replied that his child would know her as Aunt Terror). Reno had been slightly scared of the effect this would have on his friendship with Rude, but the man had simply patted his shoulder and told him that after all the weird things he'd had to live trough with his redheaded friend, nothing like this could possibly freak him out the slightest bit.

Since he couldn't go out to the field and Shinra Tower only held paperwork for him, Reno started to spend more and more time in Seventh Heaven, partly to escape from work, and partly because Tifa was teaching him things about pregnancy and kids.

"What're we gonna name him?" the redhead asked one day as he was having dinner with Tifa, Cloud, Denzel and Marlene.

"What makes you think it's a boy?" Tifa asked, curious.

Reno shrugged, poking at his food with the fork as he explained, hesitantly, "I just figured that since people are the way they are because they get 23 chromosomes from each of their parents – you know, eye color, height, hair color... - and this one can't get girl chromosomes from either of us... it's gotta be a boy, right?"

Tifa blinked. "Well... maybe? I've never thought about it, and I doubt anything like this has happened before."

Reno flashed a lopsided grin at her. "Well, you know me - always happy to scout on an unknown territory! Anything for science!"

"That depends on whether we're keeping him or not," Cloud replied to Reno's earlier question about the name. "If we let someone adopt him, we shouldn't name him, because then we'll get attached to him."

The fork fell from Reno's fingers, but he was quick to pick it up, taking a careful glance at the blonde. "Well, I never intended to have kids – at least not kids of my own, and certainly not kids I'd give birth to, but... I don't know, I wouldn't count keeping him out just yet," he said.

Cloud nodded. "My thoughts exactly," he replied, turning back to his food and leaving Reno to stare at him, wondering what exactly the blonde had meant by "we" keeping the child.

The ex-mercenary had been much less hostile towards the redhead after the hospital incident, mostly because Reno had practically stopped pulling pranks on him. Every now and then he seemed to wonder whether it had been wise to promise to help Reno, but most of time they were just tip-toeing around each other, careful to not to upset the other; Reno fearing to lose Cloud's support and Cloud feeling responsible for all this, even though neither of them still could remember anything sexual happening.

A week passed since the day Reno was told about the pregnancy, and fed up with the redhead's whining, Rufus finally gave him the permission to work at Tifa's bar or accompany Cloud on his deliveries as long as it was fine with them. Tifa welcomed the redhead to her bar immediately, and soon Reno was practically living in Seventh Heaven, only visiting his apartment to get some of his personal stuff at times.

The regulars of the bar got quickly used to the sight of the Turk standing on the other side of the counter instead of sitting in front of it, and though they all probably knew the rumor about his mysterious condition, most of them either didn't care or decided it wasn't true.

"Hello, Reno," a low voice surprised the redhead when he was cleaning the glasses in the bar one quiet night. Jumping slightly, the Turk turned around to see a tall, cloaked figure leaning to the counter.

"Hiya, Vincent," he greeted, grinning weakly. He had gotten used to most of the Avalanche, but Vincent Valentine still gave him the creeps. "Would you like something? It's on the house for old friends, ya know. Except for me and Cloud..."

Vincent nodded, taking a seat on the other side of the counter and briefly glancing at the cocktail list. "Sex on the beach."

Reno almost dropped the glass he was cleaning. "Excuse me?!"

The dark haired man turned to look at him with steady, unblinking eyes. "A cocktail." He seemed to ponder about it. "Please," he added then, as if having come to the conclusion that such a word was appropriate in this situation.

Blushing brightly at his mistake, Reno turned around to make the cocktail, muttering something about freaky bastards who probably just liked to trick him for fun and laugh behind their damn cloaks when he did something stupid.

"How are you doing?" the red cloaked man asked behind his back. He sounded like he was merely being polite, but there was a touch of concern in his voice. (Out of all of them, Vincent had been the only one to wonder how their trick would affect the redhead's none-too-steady sanity and whether he could ever forgive his friends when he found out.)

Reno stopped, glancing over his shoulder. "What do you mean? I'm doing fine, now that I have something to do and no paperwork anywhere near," he said, flashing his trademark grin.

"I meant your..." Vincent fell silent for a moment, trying to come up with a fitting word. "... situation. Actually, I know all about that, Tifa's kept me up to date. But I wanted to know... how you're feeling about it."

Feeling the blush raise again, Reno turned to finish the cocktail. "Nice to know she makes sure everyone knows how I'm doing," he muttered. "Well, I'm... I'm doing pretty well, considering what's going on. Maybe I'm still in some kinda shock..." He gave the cocktail to the other man, quickly hiding his face again by going back to wiping the glasses clean. "It's pretty confusing, though. I mean, girls who get pregnant to someone they don't know or someone who dumps them once they find out... it must be tough. I never gave it a second thought, and now that I understand how they feel, I feel like the lowest worm on the damn planet 'cause ya know, I've dumped a fair share of girls in my life. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't leave any of them pregnant, but hell, I wasn't supposed to get knocked up either..."

Vincent nodded slowly, sipping his drink. "So you consider yourself to be in the same position as the girls who are left alone, expecting a child for someone who doesn't care?"

"Worse, really, because I'm a guy," Reno sighed. "I don't know if I can even step out of the door when it starts showing. I can take a fight or people sneering at me anytime, but I'd rather avoid both in this case."

Vincent tilted his head slightly. His red eyes bored into Reno's face. "And do you feel like you're expecting a child for someone who doesn't care?"

"..." The redhead blinked in confusion, avoiding the other man's gaze and finding his savior – to both his relief and slight horror – in the form of Cloud returning from a delivery.

"Hi, Reno. Oh, hi, Vincent." The blonde traded nods with his friend, then walked around the counter and started to take his gloves off. "It's getting colder. We might even get first snow in a month, if things go on like this... Reno, you okay?" He took a closer look at the redhead's face. "Your face is all flushed..."

Reno panicked, but managed to come up with a quick reply. "Well, your friend here just asked me for Sex on the beach," he grinned.

"What?!" Cloud whirled around, and his hand shot forward to grab the dark haired man's red cloak before he even realized what he was doing.

Reno stared at the blonde, his mouth falling open, but Vincent merely gave an amused little smile and lifted his cocktail to his lips. "Got it, too," he said.

"Oh... I see." Cloud withdrew his hand, looking extremely embarrassed at his reaction, and making a quick escape to the kitchen.

Reno turned to look at Vincent with wide eyes, chuckling nervously. "Wow, wasn't that weird..."

"You were right." Vincent emptied his glass and put it back on the counter, offering the Turk a slightly smug smirk before floating out of the bar. "He clearly doesn't care at all."

--

Cloud managed to avoid Reno until the next night, when he opened the bathroom door that the redhead had forgotten to lock. Staring at him from across the room, just wrapping a towel around his hips, his hair still wet and messy, was exactly the person he had tried to avoid.

"Sorry, my bad," the blonde said quickly, turning around to escape.

"No no, I'm finished already!" Reno replied just as quickly, also turning around to hide the blush creeping to his cheeks. "You can go to the shower now."

"Er... okay." Carefully, Cloud turned around, inching towards the shower and trying to look as casual as possible; Reno turned as well and walked to the sink to wash his teeth. "Uh... Sorry if I freaked you out earlier today," the blonde muttered.

"What?" The redhead paused with a toothbrush in his hand. "Oh, you mean that. I wasn't freaked out." He flashed a nervous grin. "... Much..."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Cloud apologized again, trying to come up with an acceptable explanation. "I know I overreacted but the thought just kinda scared me. You know, since you're pregnant and all." There! A perfect excuse. Surely it wasn't healthy for the baby to have sex (on the beach or anywhere else, for that matter) while pregnant!

To his slight horror, Reno started to laugh. "Now I get what the chicks mean when they say that they haven't turned into glass even though they're pregnant! Don't worry, Cloudy, I'm still the bad-ass Turk I was a week ago." He flashed a mischievous smirk at the blonde. "Besides, I've heard it's pretty safe to have sex during pregnancy."

Shocked by the redhead's last comment and the mental images it put running through his head, Cloud almost let Reno get out of the bathroom before he opened his mouth again. "So if he hadn't asked for a drink but the real thing, you would have agreed?" he asked, regretting his words immediately after they escaped from his mouth. Damn, the images!

The Turk's aqua eyes blinked at him, then he laughed again. "Having sex on the beach might be rather chilly at this time of year. Seriously, though..." He shrugged and had the nerve to wink at the blonde. "No, I wouldn't have. He's a cool guy but..." He glanced to the corridor over his shoulder as if to check that Vincent wasn't lurking around in the shadows, then turned back to Cloud and admitted, "I'm still kinda scared of him."

"So you do like boys."

Reno gave him an odd look. "That supposed to be a surprise? I _am_ carrying your child, yo..."

Then the redhead wished him sweet dreams and went to sleep, closing the door behind himself and leaving Cloud with a deep confusion, funny mental images and a mysterious need to take a cold shower.

* * *

So, that's what you get this time! Mm, I had fun writing Vincent, but I hope I didn't ruin his imago... Poor guy was going to order a Bloody Mary because it just suits him a lot better, but it's really an ugly drink if you ask me. XDD And suddenly Sex on the beach just waltzed into my head and, like always, the story started to write itself... Well, I suppose it's a sign of inspiration! Also, is that a touch of flirt and jealousy I see floating in the air...?

Oh yeah, and I forgot to say... English is not my native language and this is my first published Final Fantasy fic and only my second published fic in English, so I was pretty nervous when I started this! (Yeah, so nervous that I forgot to mention it... XD) So anyways, I just wanted to thank you all for reviewing, you make me feel so much better about myself and my English!

**BekasStrife**: Yeah, I agree XD I really thought it was a funny joke when I came up with the idea, but now that I think of it, Yuffie and Tifa would suffer like hell if I was Reno and found out the truth! But... we'll see how they'll suffer... :'DD Thanks for the comment!

**FavriteofChaos**: So true XDD But don't suppose it's gonna happen in this fic... then again, never say never! 8D Thanks for reviewing!

**CEED**: Oh good, I was worried that you wouldn't like it this way! And trust me, there's gonna be a revenge... x3 Thanks!

**Toons**: Thank you! I'm happy that you think the characters are at least remotely IC, 'cause I tend to alter all my characters so that they fit my story better, no matter what fandom - and it's purely accidental! So I'm glad if they're at all like themselves.

**NicotineGum**: Haha thanks :'DD Gotta say, I thought it was hilarious when I was writing it...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I AM SO SORRY! Believe it or not, I actually completely _forgot_ about this fic for a while - yes, forgot! You see, this boy suddenly stormed into my life and has made pretty good job turning everything in the life of a devoted, independent single girl upside down. roll Men! Plus I've been having troubles at work, suffering from lack of time and inspiration, yadda yadda yadda... Alright, I'm finished with the excuses, and you're skipping these anyways. XD On with the show!

Oh, one more thing! The weekend after I published the 3rd chapter, I went downtown to celebrate my friend's birthday, and had a Sex on the Beach for the first time in my life. I came to the conclusion that it's definitely not something that Vincent would order (and definitely something that I _would_ order if I were rich enough to drink just cool cocktails like it). XDD I think it'd be far too sweet and stuff for him. I apologise and I promise to treat poor Vincent a drink that suits him better sometime. :'D

Oh yeaaah, and beware! Fluffy, sticky stuff ahead! Like cotton candy! (Because I just know you're all interested, the guy I mentioned took me to an amusement park and we ate cotton candy and the damn thing got stuck in my hair, skirt, coat, sleeves, face and fingers... So there, fluffy and sticky.)

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Reno, could you get us some coffee?"

"Mmn."

"Reno?"

"Hm? You said something?"

Cloud sighed and put the pen down on his desk, looking at the redhead standing on the other side of his room. "I just thought that since you seem to have nothing important to do, you could stop posing in front of the mirror and distracting me from my work, and go make some coffee."

"Alright," Reno mumbled, still staring at the mirror. "Just a sec."

The blonde shook his head and gave up, leaving his place behind the desk to walk over to Reno. The redhead had lifted his shirt and was looking thoughtfully at his stomach. "It won't start showing for a good while," Cloud told him.

"I know." Reno grinned slightly at him and then returned his gaze on his reflection. "I'm gonna get another scar..."

"How come?"

"Well, how do you think the baby will come out?" The Turk gave him a pointed look.

"Right. I get it." Cloud flushed a little at his own stupidity; the other man laughed and turned back to the mirror. Cloud looked at their reflections and couldn't help but stare at Reno's bare midriff and the two or three scars that could be seen on the pale skin. "Where did you get these from?" he asked, touching one of them gently with his fingertips.

"Hello? I'm a Turk," Reno laughed. "I'm a pro at getting into fights! I'm paid for it! I've gotten most of my scars on duty; some of them were actually donated by _you_. Are you saying you don't have any, huh?"

Cloud had to grin. "As a matter of fact, I don't." Reno's face fell and he stared at the ex-mercenary in disbelief. "My wounds heal too soon to scar," the blonde explained. "It's because of mako."

The Turk shook his head, once again glancing at his stomach through the mirror. "Mako really does have the ability to mess with our systems," he decided.

The blonde nodded. They were silent for a while, just standing in front of the mirror, Reno feeling very sure he could see the first marks of pregnancy starting to show, and Cloud stroking the redhead's smooth skin, staring absent-mindedly into nothingness.

"Isn't it amazing," the blonde warrior suddenly started, placing his palm against Reno's lower belly, "that right here, beneath my hand, there's a new life just about to begin?"

Reno smiled. "Yeah, I think it is. Feels kinda weird to think so, but... it's pretty cool in a way, don't ya think?"

"Yeah," Cloud whispered. "Pretty cool."

They fell silent again, and Reno leaned slightly back against Cloud; instinctively, the ex-mercenary put his free arm loosely around the redhead and kept stroking the pale skin under his fingers, and they stayed like that for a long moment, simply enjoying the closeness.

"Yo, Cloud... You still don't remember anything about... you know... that night?" Reno asked quietly.

"No," the blonde replied honestly. "Nothing besides passing out on the counter. Do you?"

"No." Reno sighed. "Not a single thing. It's... kinda pity, isn't it?" The redhead glanced at his presumed one-night lover, and Cloud tilted his head, listening his words carefully. "I always figured that if I'd have biological kids – and I didn't actually want any, because really, a kid with my genes? Holy Shiva. We can only hope this one takes more after you, yo... So anyways, I always thought it'd be with a girl I really like and that, you know, it would be something special and all, far from any drunken mistake that might be 'more my style'..."

"So you didn't want to have kids by accident?" Cloud murmured.

"Yeah, because it sucks big time to exist just 'cause of an accident or 'cause your mom's a whore, or both," Reno muttered, leaning further against Cloud without even noticing it. "So I kinda thought... if that night, ya know, if we both liked it and all, it wouldn't be so bad, right? I know it doesn't really matter but... it would feel nicer if we could think that this kid wasn't born out of a stupid idea one of us got while drunk – I mean, hell, as far as I know, I could have been unconscious during the whole act! - but out of... err, ya know..."

"... Love?" Cloud ended his sentence after waiting for a while for the Turk to finish it.

"Well, uh, something like that." The redhead seemed to feel rather uncomfortable talking about such a matter, so he quickly continued, "'Cause neither of us can remember what happened and all, so we could kinda just decide that it was really nice and romantic and, err, tender and shit, right? Even if it was just one night."

Cloud smiled slightly. What the redhead was trying to say was that Reno himself would have felt better about his origins if he had known that his parents had had good time while making him, but that he knew full well that it had hardly been the case. "Sure," he answered, sliding his hand on Reno's midriff in a soothing way. "Sound's reasonable."

Reno turned to face him, smiling surprisingly cutely and calmly at him. "Thanks, Cloud. I know it's really stupid and kinda childish but..."

"If it's important to you, then there's no problem," Cloud replied, shrugging slightly.

Then he realized how close to each other they were standing, not to mention that one of his arms was around the redhead and one hand was pressed against his bare skin. Reno seemed to realize this as well, since he suddenly blushed brightly and stumbled backwards, missing the mirror only by inches.

"Okay! Great! Thanks, man. Now... I'll leave you to your work..." the Turk nodded frantically, grinning from ear to ear in a rather panicked way and glancing back and forth between the door and the blonde. "Coffee! Right! I think I'll go make us some coffee. Bye!"

The redhead darted to the door, and despite feeling slightly shaken himself, Cloud couldn't resist the chance. "Reno," he called in a very serious tone.

The Turk stopped dead on his tracks, turning slowly and eying him warily, as if fearing that the blonde had suddenly realized how gay they had just acted and would get mad. "... Yeah?"

Cloud turned to look at him and flashed a smile so sweet and and dazzling that Tifa would have fainted upon seeing it, having always thought that a small smirk was the closest thing to smiling that her childhood friend was capable of. "With milk," he said, and even his voice was suddenly friendly and far from the grunts and scowls he usually used to communicate. "And no sugar. Please."

"... Alrighty!" Reno grinned hysterically and made a quick escape to the kitchen. Either he was hallucinating or Cloud was acting very weird; one of them had clearly eaten something wrong... something seriously wrong.

... The blonde did have a pretty smile, though.

--

"Zack."

"Huh? Dude, you're losing it; I'm Reno, not Zack." Reno shook his head, placing his hands on his hips in a 'poor Cloudy, being a hero must have been too much for his few gray brain cells' way. "Remember? An annoying Turk with spiky red hair – that's Reno. An annoying Soldier with spiky black hair – now that's Zack. See?"

"No. The baby." Cloud stood in front of the Turk, crossing his arms over his chest in a slightly defensive way, fighting not to pay attention to all their friends staring curiously at them. Alright, so it had been a lousy choice to decide to confront Reno about this in Tifa's bar when all their friends were present, but there was no way out now.

Reno sweatdropped. "Eh? You're not making any sense, Cloud..."

Behind them, the rest of the Turks and Avalanche were rolling their eyes and heaving deep sighs, casting respecting glances at Rude who hadn't only dealt with Reno for years but had also done it pretty well.

"I think," Tseng said laconically, "he wants to name your baby Zack."

"Oh." Reno blinked. "OH! I see! How logical!" Then the redhead gasped. "But – but you said we shouldn't name him so we won't get too attached to him in case we want to let someone adopt him, didn't you? And here you're naming him after your late best friend!"

This revelation had most of their friends gasp as well, because they, unlike Reno, caught the trick behind the scene they were watching: if Cloud had said that, and yet now wanted to name the baby – after Zack, for that matter! - that meant he wanted to keep the child!

"Well..." Cloud scowled at the rest of Avalanche and the Turks; they were all staring at them with wide eyes, as if they were an interesting drama in TV. "Do you mind?" he growled, still feeling rather defensive about his choice of name.

"Not at all!" Elena and Yuffie replied in unison and kept staring at them with shiny eyes.

Cloud rolled his eyes. "No, I meant -"

"I think it's fine."

They all turned to look at Reno, who had been deep in thought for a moment. The redhead was smiling brightly as he sipped his strawberry juice (since he wasn't allowed to drink alcohol). "Yeah," he pondered aloud, "Zack is a good name. And he was a cool guy, too – we were the best of buddies at school, I bet you would've never guessed that!"

Rude coughed a strangely snort-like cough and muttered something.

"Although," Reno continued, frowning slightly, "he did hide my school bag a couple of times so the teachers would get mad at me because I couldn't do my homework..."

"Like you would have done them anyway," Rude said calmly.

"Alright, so I couldn't copy _your _homework. Geez, man, do you have to be such a nitpick?" Reno shrugged, then furrowed his brow again. "And Zack did lock me up in his locker once..."

"How friggin' _huge_ lockers did you have?" Cid scoffed.

"Or how small were you, exactly?" Tseng added dryly.

"He locked you up in a locker?" Tifa asked, her eyes wide. She had had a very different image of Zack Fair...!

Reno chuckled, looking both nostalgic and slightly irritated. "Yeah, and he waited until the hall was full of people before letting me out, just so he could exclaim that I had come out of the closet. I was thirteen, I hardly even knew what it meant..."

Rude allowed a small grin to slip to his face. "You didn't know what a 'pedophile' meant either, and you called him that nevertheless."

Everybody's eyes turned to the redhead, who was now as red as his hair. "Uh... I was kinda trying to forget about that..." the Turk muttered. "I thought it meant something like a 'bibliophile'... I tried to call him a nerd, alright! And obviously both our plans backfired like really good plans always do, because he had just called me gay and I had called him a pedophile and he was a little older than me, so... I guess it goes without saying that everyone got the wrong idea and thought that we were a very... crooked... couple..."

Cloud twitched. "... I'm no longer all that sure that I want to name my kid after that man..."

"Come to think of it, we never did anything very nice to each other." Reno seemed to be rather surprised by this. "I mean, we were always pulling pranks on each other – I'd hide his clothes during a PE lesson, he'd trick me into wearing a skirt to school, I'd put a plastic bug into his food, he'd dye my hair blue..."

"If you heard a heart-wrenching scream some ten years ago, no matter where you were, it probably was Reno when he looked into the mirror after the hair dye incident," Rude confirmed.

"But Reno, why would you want to name your son after someone you hated so much?" Tifa asked, tilting her head to one side.

Reno blinked at her and then burst out in laughter. "Well, 'cause I never hated him! I've never had as much fun in all my life as I did when I went to school with him! Zack Fair was the most annoying person I've ever met, and he used to say the same about me. Naming my kid after him would be both the last trick I'll ever play on him and a sign of respect, and I kinda think he'd appreciate it."

Cloud's suffering expression softened suddenly. Reno was right; that was exactly the Zack they had both known. "Yeah, he would," he agreed with a touch of warmth in his voice, smiling softly and surprising himself – and everyone else – by wrapping his arm lightly around the Turk's narrow shoulders. "So, his name will be Zack?"

It took a moment for Reno to recover from his shock, which gave their friends some time to stare at them curiously (Yuffie even took a couple of photos of their seemingly very romantic moment). "Er... yeah, Zack's good. Anyways, if the kid has a nature like mine, Zack is the only fitting name for him 'cause Reno is still taken..."

The blonde nodded, smiling slightly. "Zack Strife... doesn't sound bad at all."

"No, not bad," Reno admitted before frowning again. "Wait a sec! Who the hell said he's gonna be a Strife?!"

* * *

There you go! This is one of the chapters that pretty much wrote itself; thus the somewhat OOC-ness of Reno and Cloud in the first part, and the story concerning Zack and his mysterious past. Especially the latter was completely unplanned - I just felt that the chapter had a page or two to spare for some Zack loving, and then my imaginary just started to fly. Naturally, things like Cloud not scarring because of Mako and Reno and Zack having gone to the same school were made up by me. Just because I can. :'D For all I know, Cloud could have a huge scar right across his chest, and Reno and Zack might have never really met each other. It's called fiction, so get over it and enjoy the story!

**FavriteofChaos**: Yeah, I've actually been toying with the idea a lot... we'll see :D Thank you for your review!

**DemainMatin**: Thanks!

**BekasStrife**: Yeah, Cloudy, admit it already: you've got it bad. XD Like I said above, the idea of Reno actually getting pregnant has been playing in my head for a while, but I can't yet say what's gonna happen. :'D Basically, I have plans ready, but never say never - anything can change. Thanks for the review!

**CEED**: Lol, I didn't even think of having CID say that, but now that you mentioned it, it would have made a hilarious scene XDD Thanks!

**NicotineGum**: Right! XD That's the way I like it too :'D Thanks for the comment.

**needleholehalo**: Wow, thank you so much! You have no idea how much it warms my heart to hear positive feedback on my English (and even better, my fic!)

**Rin-chan101093**: (How on Earth do you remember the numbers at the end of your nick?! XD) Haha, thank you very much for the review!

**Lil'Mousee**: ... :'DD Well, thanks for going through the trouble of sending a review nevertheless!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Urgh. XD I know this took damn long, but... I'm kinda suffering from a nasty little writer's block with the sixth chapter. I hoped I'd get my inspiration back sooner, so I kept this chapter from you a while longer so there wouldn't be a huge gap between this and the next chapter, but seeing that my inspiration still hasn't quite returned, I decided to just publish this and warn you that the next chapter might take some time...

(So no, this time it wasn't boys that made me forget about this. XD Just in case you were wondering... Anyways, the guy I mentioned last time is still doing his best to confuse me and is now doing so as my boyfriend, while I'm doing my best to turn his calm, steady life into a mess. Yeah. He's too level-headed and calm for me! How can I write about people like Cloud and especially RENO if my own life goes smoothly and effortlessly? XD So I'm working hard to make my life less smooth and effortless, just because I'm a dork like that.)

And now... the first signs of guilt are starting to inch their way into the evil hearts of our two heroes' friends! About time, don't you think?

**Chapter 5**

"Tifa, I'm not going to do this anymore."

Tifa turned to look at Vincent in surprise. They were alone in the kitchen; Cloud was doing a delivery and Reno was serving the customers at the bar, while the kids were already fast asleep in their beds.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, confused.

"This... trick. I'm not going to keep this up any longer." The cloaked man was sitting at the table, having read the newest print of Midgar Times while Tifa cleaned the kitchen from the mess Reno had created when he had tried to make the kids something to eat before going to bed.

"What?" Tifa glanced at the door that lead to the bar and was relieved to see the redhead at the far end of the other room, taking a new pint to one of the regulars. She went to close the door quietly and then turned to look at her friend. "Why so suddenly?" she asked, lowering her voice.

Vincent was silent for a moment, as if deep in thought. "I don't like where this is going. It was a joke – a funny joke, even – for some days; before they started to really take it seriously. Now they have named a child they will never get – after someone they both cared about. It's nothing but a cruel lie."

Tifa bowed her head, feeling slightly guilty. "I know... but everyone – especially Cloud and Reno – seem to enjoy the game so much... I just don't have the heart to tell them it's not real." She opened the door again to take a quick peek at Reno; the Turk was now pointing the toilets for a new customer, then laughing at a joke someone cracked.

"Look at him," the bar-keeper said softly. "He's always been pretty easy-going and laid-back, but I've never seen him this genuinely happy. He smiles and laughs more often than smirks and sneers, these days. And Cloud... during these weeks, I've seen him smile and talk more than ever before. Can you imagine how they would react if we just told them that it's not true?"

"Can you imagine how they _will_ react when the pregnancy should start to show and they realize there's nothing to show?" Vincent asked back.

To that, Tifa couldn't find an answer.

After a moment of silence, Vincent got up quietly and swiftly, walking to the door to let himself out. "I will not tell them, if you're worried about that. Not right away. I will, though, if they ask. Otherwise..." He opened the door and stepped into the bar, waving his hand at Reno who was still on the other side of the room. "I hope you'll break the news to them soon. The longer this goes on, the longer it will take to recover from it."

---

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?"

"Reno, pipe down!" Tifa tried to shush him, not knowing whether to cover the Turk's mouth or her own ears.

"NO I WON'T! WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT BREAKING A LITTLE BOY'S HEART HERE!"

This time Tifa did cover his mouth – with the very same rag that she had used to wipe the counter just a minute ago. Reno gagged and spat the rag out of his mouth, but didn't dare to keep yelling anymore, in fear of what the barmaid might do next.

They were alone in the Seventh Heaven; the kids were still at school and Cloud had taken off with the Fenrir the moment Tifa had mentioned that she could use a little help cleaning the bar. Reno had been still sleeping back then, and so he had, without knowing it, volunteered to help her simply by being the only person available. He had whined and complained, though, wondering why everything had to be so damn clean and bitterly reminding the woman that he had cleaned the bar with his own dainty and delicate hands the night before.

"That's because tomorrow is Denzel's birthday," Tifa had explained. "And I want everything to be clean and pretty for that."

Reno had immediately cheered up at the thought of a birthday party, but then Tifa had brought him down by telling that there would be no party. Denzel didn't have many friends at school – not many that he liked, anyway. Almost everyone wanted to be buddies with the shy auburn haired boy, and most of them wanted that just because he lived with the heroes of the Planet. Astonished and slightly angered, the redhead had slammed his fists to the counter, saying that no matter what kind of pricks were going to school with Denzel, the kid had many friends among the Avalanche and the Turks.

"I'm gonna see that the poor boy gets his party!" Reno vowed with determination. "He didn't have one last year because of that mess with Kadaj and his Silver Club, or the year before that because he was down with Geostigma, and the year before that I have no idea what he was doing but I'm damn sure it wasn't partyin' all day and night, and before that there was the Sephiroth thing!"

"I know, Reno, but I have no time to arrange a party for tomorrow, I'm too busy today," Tifa sighed. "We're going to have a quiet little party, just the family – the way he likes it. You know he's rather withdrawn."

But Reno shook his head. "No fucking way!" he declared. "He's turning ten and that's an important thing, so he deserves to be the center of attention for one day! He can spend the rest of his birthdays in peace and solitude if he wants to." He shook his index finger at the barmaid with a furious scowl on his face. "You'll see, Tifa! I'll take care of everything myself if I have to, but he's so gonna have a birthday party this year!"

And, when the redhead turned and stomped off to start the preparations (inadvertently leaving Tifa to clean alone), the dark haired woman could have sworn that he muttered, "Besides, I never had birthday parties as a kid, and when I turned ten, no one said so much as a 'happy birthday'..."

Chuckling, Tifa wondered whether the little boy who was going to be heartbroken without a party – in Reno's opinion – was Denzel or the eternally childish Turk. She was slightly surprised but not very sorry to find a soft, fond smile creeping to her lips.

---

"Yes?"

"Yo, Cloudy! Do you have deliveries tomorrow?"

"A few. Why?"

"Well, cancel them. You're staying home all day."

"... Come again?"

"Yeah, it's Denzel's birthday and you're gonna have a day off and act like a family chocobo. Oh, and I know you're not working right now, just cruising around on that behemot bike of yours for fun, so drag your ass here, I need your help."

"Reno, you're being absurd."

"Well, your fault for picking up. Now come back here and make sure that the Fenrir's tank is full, because you're gonna be driving around a lot today."

---

"Yo, Rude!"

"... No."

"Whaaat?"

"You're using the 'Rude, I'm screwed and I need you to take the blame for me or to risk your life saving my ass' tone, and my answer is no."

"But Rude – I, I never do that! How can you even think that of me! I'm perfectly capable of solving my own problems, thank you very much, so don't think too highly of yourself, Baldy!"

"Then what are you calling for?"

"... Well... I kinda _do_ need a favor..."

"Reno -"

"For selfless purposes, I swear! Listen, man, I need you to pick the runts – eh, the little angels from school and look after them for the rest of the day. Do something fun with them, take them to the mall, bake them cookies or whatever, teach them Poker, I don't care – but keep them out of Seventh Heaven until it's their time to go to bed."

"Has Tifa told you to take care of them? If she has, I won't do it. You're the one living in Seventh Heaven, you do your chores."

"No no! It's because – what? Yeah, Teef, I'm talking to Rude. Okay, I'll tell him. Bye! Rude, Tifa says hi. So anyways, it's Denzel's birthday tomorrow, and I'm gonna throw a surprise party, so someone has to keep him out of the way while I make the preparations."

"I thought your party organizing skills were limited to saying 'Grab your coats, we're going to the nearest bar'."

"Well, we'll be at Seventh Heaven so there'll be no need to do that. Oh yeah, and tell Tseng, Elena and Rufus that they are planning on coming here tomorrow at noon, and that they also have brilliant ideas for birthday presents. Resistance is futile."

"... Reno..."

"Yeah, bro?"

"Don't even start with the cheesy Big Bad Turk Lines."

---

It was a very busy day, and only the mako in his system kept Cloud from collapsing from exhaustion when they finally settled down to have a quick snack around five. Reno had made him cruise around Midgar, getting this and that, after which he'd been forced to cut the lawn, clean his and Denzel's rooms, and fix a couple of things he should have done long ago. Tifa had run around as if Sephiroth himself had been on her heels as well, doing her own things most of time since they had been the reason she couldn't arrange the party, but occasionally helping Reno too.

"Cloud, is your room clean?" Reno asked as he dug into his sandwich. The blonde nodded and the Turk looked at the list in his hands, looking rather pleased. "Great! Then almost everything should be ready here, except for the things that we can't do before the kids have come home and gone to bed. Eat up, Spiky, we're going shopping once you're ready."

And so Cloud took Reno to a shopping mall in Midgar, because it was, in Reno's opinion, the only place where everything necessary could be found. As the blonde was driving to the city by Tifa's car, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he listened to Reno babbling on the phone non-stop, he wondered again why he had agreed to this. Not that he had really been given any chance; Reno had made it clear that he would make the poor delivery boy's life very miserable if he refused.

"... And yeah, I know you're friggin' busy saving the world and fighting the bad guys in the shadows or whatever it is that you do to amuse yourself, and I don't give a shit!" Reno was seething presently to a reluctantly listening Vincent, waving his hands and accidentally whacking Cloud in the jaw. "Oops, sorry man. No, not you, Mr Valentine! Look, we're talking about a little kid here – what's your problem, never had birthday parties as a kid? ... Okay, no need to get all pissy... Honestly, Vincent, your miserable life quest of ridding the Planet of evil won't run away if you take a day off, get it? And you'd make a little boy happy. What? No, not me! Denzel!"

Cloud couldn't help but snort at that, and this earned him another slap, this time intentionally. "Fuck you both," the redhead muttered. "Okay, not then. I just thought it would be nice to make an orphan happy for a chance."

Cloud shook his head slowly as Reno listened for a second and his eyes went suddenly wide. "Seriously, yo? You're coming? Fabulous, man! I knew you have a heart!"

The ex-mercenary was close enough to hear Vincent reply, "Likewise." and then the line went dead. Reno glanced at the blonde by his side with a perplexed expression and shrugged. "What the hell was that about?" he muttered as he dialed another number.

Cloud grinned slightly. "I think you just managed to guilt trip Vincent Valentine into doing something," he replied, though he was pretty sure that the mysterious man had indeed intended to come wish Denzel a happy birthday anyway.

"Really? Oh crap," Reno frowned as he placed the cell phone to his ear, waiting as it connected. "I bet he's gonna guilt _trap_ me tomorrow... like, in some far off cave where I can rot to death without being able to bother him anymore... Sorry, what? No, Cid, that's not exactly what I've got in mind for tomorrow and no, you're not invited. No wait, actually, yes you are invited! But not to the Let's Lock Reno Up In A Cave Party, but Denzel's. No, we're not gonna lock Denzel up in a cave..."

Cloud had to admit that Reno had surprised them all by actually getting down to the business and especially by doing so with such determination and energy. If Cloud had been working like mad today, Reno had worked twice as hard. He had been calling people, making orders for food and stuff that couldn't otherwise be prepared for the following day, cleaning both his room and Cloud's office (to Cloud's terror, for while it had been difficult to find anything there before, now it was downright impossible), writing and rewriting lists, and painting a huge "Happy B-Day, Denzel!" on a white blanket he had stolen from Tifa. He had also baked muffins, and if poor Tifa had been slightly shocked to find Reno in the kitchen, _baking_, she was shocked beyond words when the muffins actually tasted like muffins should.

"Milk," Reno said as they were standing on an aisle in the grocery shop of the mall, staring at the long list in his hands. "Eggs, flour, yeast... You go get the juice and milk, okay?"

And so they shopped. Reno wanted a whole trolley full of food, he wanted funny paper hats, he wanted straws of multiple colors, he wanted blue and white confetti, he wanted paper mugs and plates with fancy pictures of a cartoon hero, he wanted this and that and he made it very clear to anyone who wasn't deaf.

They also ran across Rude, who was walking through the toys department, clearly looking for something.

"Rude!" Reno hissed, glancing wildly around them to see if Denzel and Marlene were already poking at the trolley that Cloud had been forced to push, asking what all the food was for. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I made the mistake of taking your advice," Rude replied, "and brought the kids to the mall. They're stuck at the candy aisle, and I decided to come and see if I could find a present for Denzel."

"Well, take my advice for the second time and – shit, they're coming this way!" Reno grabbed Cloud and the trolley as he heard familiar voices approaching along with the sound of steps of small feet; before they fled, though, the redhead paused to throw a package of frozen dough to his partner.

"Here you are, Mr Rude!" Marlene's cheery voice followed them as they hurried away. "We've been looking for you all over the place! What do you have there?"

"... Dough. Why don't we go back to my place and bake cookies?" they could hear Rude say, trying to sound like it had originally been his idea; Marlene and Denzel agreed without hesitation, apparently eager to get to decorate the cookies. Moments later they had left, and the secret of Operation Surprise Party was safe again.

And as they wandered the aisles, arguing about Denzel's likes and dislikes and discussing the importance of showing how much they all cared and fighting briefly about the boy's status as a ten-year-old (Reno considered him a teen, and Cloud argued that he was still a child, as was Reno at the age of 26), Cloud became very aware of how people were staring at them. Those who recognized them as the leader of Avalanche and a Turk, gave them curious looks, remembering the rumor of the redhead's mysterious condition; and those who didn't recognize them clearly thought that they were a gay couple. To his surprise, the thought didn't bother him nearly as much as it could have.

"Cloud," Reno said suddenly, breaking a long, blessed silence as they were walking back to the car through the mall, dragging four bags of food and other goods along.

Cloud glanced at the Turk and saw that he had stopped in front of the window of a little shop for children's clothing. There were tiny little socks, rompers, shirts and dresses in the colors of light pink and blue on the view along with slightly bigger clothes, and Reno was staring at the little ones; his free hand was raised to rub his coat-clad stomach gently and he had a distant look on his face.

Sighing, Cloud went back to him. "What is it, Reno?" he meant to snap, but it came out as a soft inquire.

"Just... wondering," the Turk mumbled. "Do you reckon that we might one day discuss Zack's tenth birthday just like this? I wonder how things will be then..."

"I suppose we'll look older," Cloud muttered, not feeling ready to get into a deep discussion about their baby's future and the big question of how they were going to grow him up.

Reno laughed at that and snapped out of his reverie, turning to look at Cloud again. "Yo, Cloudy? Let's make a deal," he said with a wide grin. "If it's a boy, we'll name him Zack and have him wear blue, and if it against all odds is a girl, we'll call her Aerith and dress her in pink, okay?"

Cloud chuckled a little, nodding. "Sounds good to me. And now, my sweet Mrs Strife... Let's get going before the ice cream you insisted on buying melts beyond all help."

---

Vincent appeared just after Tifa had put the kids to bed, and Reno didn't waste time getting him to help as well. Rude had stayed after bringing Marlene and Denzel back, so he was helping too, and poor Cloud just didn't have a choice. Reno had them decorate the bar and hang the Happy B-Day blanket above the fireplace, and after giving them these orders he disappeared to the kitchen. Tifa came to their aid for a moment, then spent a moment in the kitchen before calling it a day, thoroughly exhausted because she wasn't mako infected, a vampiric creature, or exceptionally tolerant of Reno like the three men were.

Around midnight they finished, Rude left to go home, and Vincent retired to the spare room. Cloud yawned as he checked the bar one more time to make sure everything was ready, and then headed upstairs to go to bed as well. Suddenly he realized that it was very quiet, and had been for a while; no sound came from the kitchen.

Warily, the blonde sneaked to the kitchen door and opened it as slowly and quietly as he could, peeking carefully inside before stepping over the threshold. He couldn't help but chuckle at what he saw: the kitchen was spotless and clean, and Reno was sitting at the table, his arms folded on it and head placed on them, fast asleep.

"Reno..." Cloud whispered, shaking the redhead a little by his shoulder. The Turk's head shot up and he gave him a bleary look and a questioning sound. "Weren't you supposed to be baking?"

"... It's ready, it's in the fridge," Reno mumbled, waving his hand weakly and rubbing his eyes with the other. "And I cleaned the kitchen too, see! Then I just felt so frigging tired and I was just gonna sit for a sec..."

Cloud walked over to the fridge, and couldn't help but smile as he found a huge cake with "10" written in icing on top of it. It looked a little sloppy, but somehow it just made it cuter; after all, Reno wasn't exactly know for his cooking skills. Baking a cake – and muffins! - showed very clearly how important the redhead thought Denzel's big day was.

"Somethin' wrong with it?" Reno mumbled sleepily from behind him. "You've been staring at it for a while..."

"No, it looks good." Cloud closed the door and went to turn off the kitchen lights. "Everything is ready, Reno. Let's go to bed, or you'll sleep past your party."

"Okay..."

They were upstairs and Cloud was already opening the door of his room, when Reno suddenly stopped and turned to look at him. "Cloud..."

The blonde glanced at him and was a little startled by the anxious look in the thinner man's eyes. Swallowing slightly, he wondered what could possibly come to the redhead's sleepy mind after a long, heavy day that would make him look so bothered. "Yes?" he asked warily.

Reno didn't answer for a moment, and when he did, his voice was strained and panicked. "Cloud... I... forgot... to get Denzel a present..."

* * *

I decided to stretch the timeline, so Denzel got Geostigma a year before Kadaj and his buddies appeared. Just because. XD And I really loved writing all the parts where Reno was talking on the phone. :'DDD

Rin-chan101093: Damn right he's falling hard, but don't worry, he'll have to stop being in denial soon enough. XD ... wait, what, you got your first yaoi on your 9th birthday? Seriously? O__o' You sure you're talking about yaoi ('cause it includes lemons XD), not shounen-ai (which is a tamer version of yaoi, like pg-13 or something...)? Though even a shounen-ai seems a bit weird to be given to a 9-year-old... XD

Lil'Mousee: Whoa, thanks :'DD And yeah, a confused, lost Reno is just too damn cute xD At least in a story like this, in a more serious fic I prefer a slightly more professional Reno. :'D

Favrite_of_Chaos: Thanks! And hey, who could resist a bit of fluff... ^^

Demain_Matin: Thank you!

CEED: Thanks! Yeah, as far as I know, Reno hasn't originally been given a last name. I think the most used is Sinclair, though nobody seems to know who originally said it's his name... XDD But yeah, the idea that Turks have to leave their last names behind is pretty popular too. Anyways, I'm fine with any of these options, and I'm not gonna get into this matter in this story, so Reno's "Who said he's gonna be a Strife" was more like Reno protesting because a baby usually get the father's last name and Reno didn't want to be considered as the girl in the (soon to be-)relationship. Which is, of course, a bit stupid because he would be the one to give birth anyways... XD

NicotineGum: Thank you! It's fun to write Cloud and Reno trying to act like responsible adults because of a "baby". :'D And I really think that though Cloud is a moody brooder and likes to avoid his responsibilities by going into hiding, he'd try his best to take the responsibility in a situation like this. And poor Reno is just confused and not really sure what the heck is going on. xD

needleholehalo: Yeah, it makes me sad too! So maybe, _maybe_ it'll change... Or maybe they get a puppy. 8) ... Okay, we'll see. XD Thanks for your review!

Bekas_Strife: Oh dear! XD Oh well, what we wouldn't do for Cloud and Reno... write until late night... read even later... get diabetes...

Neenaw: Thank you! Your review made me so happy. I try my best to be funny, but I can't help it that I simply can't play with the words like I can in my own language. I swear, this would be a hell lot funnier in Finnish! But then again, then there wouldn't be any readers. :'D

blackcat686: A lot of people keep requesting that Reno gets knocked up for real... I was thinking about making a poll but the answer seems pretty clear. XD Anyways, thanks for your review!


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